1.   I have a very unique hearing problem.  It's like, I'm not deaf, I'm just ignoring you.

2.   Because of bad breath sometimes I like to read lips from a distance, through a pair of binoculars.

3.   Sometime for very special females I read lips in Braille.

4.   I'm learning to read lips, but some people talk so fast I have to take a speed reading course.

5.   Sometimes the ringing in my ears is so loud it keeps the neighbors awake.  I wish somebody would answer that phone.

6.   I want you to know that this hearing apparatus is just temporary, until I can get the Church to spring for Bionic Ears.

7.   This hearing impairment has been such a blessing over the years. There have been people I didn't even have to listen to.

8.   When you put 2 ears together it makes a heart; when you put 2 hearts together...well, maybe you don't need an ear then.